Mister Jack #43 most viewed Musician this week on YouTube
Nov 29, 2009 Mister Jack
Tags: christmas, Mister Jack, santa, this christmas
Ska Fu – A Ska Martial Arts Film NOT Featuring Lady Skaga the Ska Lady Gaga
Nov 13, 2009 Brownie Baldwin
I take it you’ve heard of Mister Jack, then? UK ska, surely, London’s finest? What? Baby let it flow, I’m Mister Jack Le Beau? No? Come onnnn!!! Well you’re obviously not signed up for updates on the mailing list right this way to your left . . . and I’d doubt you’ve copped the official Mister Jack YouTube either, have you now? Oi, get it sorted! New single “Ain’t Gonna Letchu Go” is out now innit?!
Don’t be a plonker! Connect with Mister Jack on Myspace or Twitter and that way you’ll know whats going on!
It’s all go here at Mister Jack HQ no doubt about it, the media empire of Mister Jack is in full march. I haven’t actually seen Mister Jack since he said something about some posh bird Stephanie with a yacht or something but I outlaid out concept sketches in a most thorough way for the Jack Fu full length action feature debut movie trilogy – I swear, this guy Phillip Eno now I know why he’s the best. He’s the consummated genius.
Of course those idiots over at the record label were calling old Brownie up going on about some video for christmas or what not, blah blah blah, whatever, I says “Look mate, it’s like this, right – Hollywould, or Holly wouldn’t? – the choice is yours. London, Paris, Tokyo . . . or Tokyno?”
Am I right? They must think I was born yesterday.
Blithering on about how I’m going to afford this “nonsense”, Nonsense? I’ll show them nonsense, old Brownie’s got it all figured out. Don’t worry. You see I managed to connect the dots, and the picture was a pretty princess riding a pony. But when I’d finished with that and then put 2 and 2 together I realised it was about time for my round.
Just don’t bloody worry, Brownie’s got a plan. And I like “Dancing Bear” in the 7th, it’s just a feeling, and when Brownie’s got a feeling – oh what a feeling!
Now the story of Jack Fu is the tale of Rudeboys in ancient feudal China who develop a dazzling and stunning form of lethal offbeat hand to hand combat. Well Wicked. With like, mohawk punk rockers doing spinning kicks in the air and all and like y’know, princesses, Tigers, an evil geezer with like long fingernails and a nasty laugh to him.
Maybe like the Mister Jack band is involved in a dreadful radioactive experiment and end going back in time. And they can fly. And transform into guitars and all that. But yeah, weren’t sure of Ska Fu or Jack Fu. But we have had a few bothers about the place as you do running a burgeoning media empire as we do here at Mister Jack Media Industries Incorporated, namely . . . Lady Skaga.
Does anyone know this crazy gal? She’s mental!
She rings us up like “Is this Mister Jack?”
I recorded the conversation you see, We have to record in case we receive any suspicious phone calls pertaining to top secret activity that is pertaining to being none of your business.
And I’m Like “No, it’s Brownie innit? What ya want?”
And she’s like “Do you realise you’re talking to Lady Skaga?”
“Lady who?”
“Lady Skaga. I performed my debut smash hit number 1 single “Just Skank” and the follow up “Poke Her Face.”
“You’ve got to be joking. The crazy tart what sang down the Crown with a bloody fish bowl on her head?”
“It’s art like, innit? Where’s Mister Jack anyway I wan’t to talk about collaborating on a upcoming project.”
“Do you realise that was my mate Spakker’s fish bowl?”
“Yeah, he said I could have it didnt he?”
“And you forgot the fish was still in it? Spakker loved that fish, I tell ya. He calleded it Strummer and all.”
“Look you old fart, It’s about expression of higher artistic concepts then what you could ever get through ya thick lug, I’m Lady Skaga and I’m gonna be collaborating with Mister Jack, right, he told me, so bloody hop it and put Jack on.”
“Sorry, can’t help ya love.”
And that was that, hung up on her, didn’t I. Bloody Nora, gal’s got a screw loose upstairs, but fortunately given my extensive professional experience in my role as one South east london’s top ska triangle players I was able to negotiate the situation with grace and finesse.
Lady Skaga. Couldn’t make this stuff up. What next? A Mister Jack cooking show?
Tags: lady gaga, lady skaga, Mister Jack
Mister Jack Ninja Christmas Vampire Pirate Adventure Blows Up
Nov 10, 2009 Brownie Baldwin
I take it you’ve heard of Mister Jack, then? UK ska, surely, London’s finest? What? Baby let it flow, I’m Mister Jack Le Beau? No? Come onnnn!!! Well you’re obviously not signed up for updates on the mailing list right this way to your left . . . and I’d doubt you’ve copped the official Mister Jack YouTube either, have you now? Oi, get it sorted! New single “Ain’t Gonna Letchu Go” is out now innit?!
Don’t be a plonker! Connect with Mister Jack on Myspace or Twitter and that way you’ll know whats going on!
Crikey I’ll tell you what, I almost lost the gig didn’t I, Doin the Mister Jack blog, I barely got started but I tells ya without a word of lie I swear the most ridiculous chain of events, you wouldn’t believe.
You see when I got involved in the scene I saw my role as a triangulist in the band right when the triangle sound was getting extremely popular in ska music but you’ll have to let Mister Jack tell you all about that as I will assure you, but here I find myself first recast if you will care to indulge my good self, as raconteur and then as what you might call a boffin of sorts, assisting in a technological capacity here at Mister Jack HQ, in that respect I would describe myself as indisposable or is that indespensible?
Makes me sound like a bag of nuts stuck in a vending machine dunnit?
So anyway, it began with me I’m uptown the other night right got this lead on this Robby Pattinson bloke right, apparently vampire runnin round doin all this bitin around the place and the like and then I get call from main office – did I tell you about them bloody reigning in all me galavanting about round town with the bloody skampires and what not?
So supposedly I was ought to be covering the upcoming christmas single, and the video needs to completed within a matter of days, and I’ve got to sort it with Phillip Eno or I’m out the door.
Which would be bloody heartbreak I tell ya because I’m just about to parley my new found fame as an official part of the mister jack line up into my new authentic ska rudeboy outfit “The Dispensible Boffins” as a kind of crossover into skanking gangsta punk dubstep – driven by the might of yours truly – Brownie Baldwin on Triangle, no less. Might see if I can get Mister Jack to “throw down ill flows on the cut” or whatever it is these young buggers are doing these days when they’re not sailing round biting each other for giggles.
But I’m like – hang about, what video is all this? Who in the flaming heck is Phillip Eno? So I says to Jack what’s all this? Jack says something about Christmas is a time for celebrating, and giving and setting fire to stuff. Something about flaming hearts and massive pyrotechnics like, I was well keen for it.
I was well geared up and all. I was ready to take my role in the band further in working with Philip Eno in a capacity of my directorical debut on screen. So I asks Jack when’s we shooting, like, and he says something about a series of massive explosions that spelt the name Gloria over the lake, well romantic like, just the other night. That’s how you win the heart of the lady, does our Jack, no gypsy rover here, no sir, you really want impress a bird, blow something up.
Now far be it for old Brownie to point out the plausible shortcomings of our current situation in not being able to travel back in time to filmthese massive love explosions unless I was about to flippin beam him like doctor spock in back to the future, but as Mister Jack keenly parried in alluding to the worda of mister Johnny Cash:
Love is a burning thing and it makes a fiery ring . . . not unlike the “o” in Gloria who apparently works 3 days a week at the “Hair and Now” salon down past the King George.
Well it would hardly impress the girl if he didn’t set the whole budget for the new video on fire would it?
“Oh no! We just have to set up the camera first!”
Talk about ruin the moment.
So anyway I put me last fiver on Dancing Queen in the 6th and I get on the line to Philip Eno and the guy is so bloody boozed he can’t speak english, either that or he’s got gnawed on by a skampire, but of course as soon as I told him about my affiliations around town in music and my official role as part of the mister jack media empire and I my developing plans for the first official full length Mister Jack action feature musical, we were crystal clear with the direction we were going with bringing in the project for just under 20 million. I must admit I don’t want to give too much away, but it’s basically a gangster flick where mister jack plays a ninja assasin who has to save christmas when santa’s reindeer are infiltrated by a notorious jewel thief.
Except Santa’s a rasta and lives on Jamaica, but that’s just one small stylistic difference, and I don’t want to give any more awy because it is all hush hush and a bit of a big deal. Definitely oscar material. But that’s definitely when I knew we were in business.
Mister Jack and the Indespensible Christmas Ninja’s.
Got the Oscar sewn up mate, forget about it!
Brownie Baldwin Joins Mister Jack as Official Special Blogging Assistant to the Band
Nov 1, 2009 Brownie Baldwin
Alright alright alright
I got bad news for you lot because they put me Brownie Baldwin in charge of the Mister Jack blog, didn’t they.
Bloody hell, I says, I’m just here to play the triangle ain’t I? Used to play with Stabs see, used to cut it something fierce. Menacing lot we were, Tiddly, Bunker, Jonesy, Oink – What about The Mallets you ever see them play? Well I dated the Drummer’s sister and all, didn’t I.
Well I was dead keen to get withMister Jack right, the kid is like the second coming, I tell ya, and I’m dead keen to y’know, put my oar in, do my bit like see.
And I says to Jack like, how I see me self fittin in in the band line up, like, and he says to me since I got such a big gob and all, I ought bloody be writin like the proper, official mister jack blog, y’know like documentin like, the rise, if you will, of Mister Jack.
You see Mister Jack, is the real thing right, original rudeboy rocker to be sure, he’s not about to sit about writing the Great American Novel on a blog or whatever like he’s flippin Tolstoy is he now, he’s a busy lad now isn’t he? It’s like the punk days innit, what kind of noddy sits round writing a blog when . . . well anyway I figured well this blogging lark could easily see me moving into a songwriting capacity within the band y’know what I mean – Like showin my literary flair and what have you, and then that leading, so to speak sort of y’know seguing if you will into, perhaps parlaying my good self in to a more probable position within the final y’know Mister Jack line up.
So now as I’ve been given this super important task, it’s up to me to like, make everything real “compelling” like, that’s what the geezer from the record label says, I got to make it all exciting like, so while the bands busy rehearsing and recording and all, I’m keeping the fans up to date with all the latest and that’s where I’m contributing like in that position as a integral part of like the whole structure of the thing. Or something.
Ska Halloween: Ska Vampires and Pirates in Community Outrage
Nov 1, 2009 Brownie Baldwin
Righto, Brownie Baldwin here – official special blogging assitant and reporter to the Mister Jack band.
In case you didn’t know I’m taking care of the Mister Jack blog officially while all this recording and video is going on so it’s actually a really important job I’m doing here as part of the band.
So for me first assignment for writing for the mister jack blog the bloke from the record company is like I has to do like a halloween post about ska vampires what is sucking out like I dunno like I dunno they runnin round south east london chompin on geezers what is Rudeboys and that.
I says he must be having a laugh. I says that’s bloody nonsense, and he says to me something bout vampires being all trendy and what not all over the place so I swear I thought it was bloody rubbish when I heads down to the Gables and I says to me mate Bongos, what all this bout some geezers runnin round all like biting blokes, like y’know vampires. Ska Vampires. Skampires.
And he says is that a new outfit on the scene, a new band like, and I says no mate, like, an actual bloody bitey sucky vampires.
And Bongos says to me it’s sure to be a load of cobblers, but he did hear about all this Vampires kerfuffle going on because all the kids are into this Twilight business, and who knows.
And I says, that’s terrible. It’s something bloody new everyday of the week, you can’t bloody turn around without some new drug scourge hitting the streets and next thing you know these poor kids, don’t know half what their doing their passing round this Twilight stuff and getting out of their brains and next thing you know they’re running round biting each others like a pack of depraved bloody lunatics.
It’s enough to make you cry.
So I rings the bloke up at the record company and I says you sure you want this Twilight stuff on the Mister Jack blog, young kids getting off on Twilight? It’s a nightmare alright not what you want to bloody hear about on a blog that’s supposed to be all proper Ska like.
So as you may or may not know Mister Jack is preparing a new video for a new track that they’ve just been laying down recently, so we should have some of that and the good man himself may deign to share with you lot his halloween escapades but I was saying you need to tell the kids to get off the Twilight and basically tell them that Skampires are a serious threat to our community.
I mean bloody hell I was terrified when I heard that get this: Actual pirates are running round pinching music. Can you bloody believe it? Where do you get around sailin about nickin peoples music? Bloody nora!
Skampires and Pirates a bloody nuisance and a disgrace to us hardworking musicians who ain’t goin round biting and plundering and all the like and I plan to be urging the whole band and the ska community to think this through very thoroughly indeed.
