Mister Jack Ninja Christmas Vampire Pirate Adventure Blows Up

I take it you’ve heard of Mister Jack, then? UK ska, surely, London’s finest? What? Baby let it flow, I’m Mister Jack Le Beau? No? Come onnnn!!! Well you’re obviously not signed up for updates on the mailing list right this way to your left . . .  and I’d doubt you’ve copped the official Mister Jack YouTube either, have you now? Oi, get it sorted! New single “Ain’t Gonna Letchu Go” is out now innit?!

Don’t be a plonker! Connect with Mister Jack on Myspace or Twitter and that way you’ll know whats going on!


Crikey I’ll tell you what, I almost lost the gig didn’t I, Doin the Mister Jack blog, I barely got started but I tells ya without a word of lie I swear the most ridiculous chain of events, you wouldn’t believe.

You see when I got involved in the scene I saw my role as a triangulist in the band right when the triangle sound was getting extremely popular in ska music but you’ll have to let Mister Jack tell you all about that as I will assure you, but here I find myself first recast if you will care to indulge my good self, as raconteur and then as what you might call a boffin of sorts, assisting in a technological capacity here at Mister Jack HQ, in that respect I would describe myself as indisposable or is that indespensible?

Makes me sound like a bag of nuts stuck in a vending machine dunnit?

So anyway, it began with me I’m uptown the other night right got this lead on this Robby Pattinson bloke right, apparently vampire runnin round doin all this bitin around the place and the like and then I get call from main office – did I tell you about them bloody reigning in all me galavanting about round town with the bloody skampires and what not?

So supposedly I was ought to be covering the upcoming christmas single, and the video needs to completed within a matter of days, and I’ve got to sort it with Phillip Eno or I’m out the door.

Which would be bloody heartbreak I tell ya because I’m just about to parley my new found fame as an official part of the mister jack line up into my new authentic ska rudeboy outfit “The Dispensible Boffins” as a kind of crossover into skanking gangsta punk dubstep – driven by the might of yours truly – Brownie Baldwin on Triangle, no less. Might see if I can get Mister Jack to “throw down ill flows on the cut” or whatever it is these young buggers are doing these days when they’re not sailing round biting each other for giggles.

But I’m like – hang about, what video is all this? Who in the flaming heck is Phillip Eno? So I says to Jack what’s all this? Jack says something about Christmas is a time for celebrating, and giving and setting fire to stuff. Something about flaming hearts and massive pyrotechnics like, I was well keen for it.

I was well geared up and all. I was ready to take my role in the band further in working with Philip Eno in a capacity of my directorical debut on screen. So I asks Jack when’s we shooting, like, and he says something about a series of massive explosions that spelt the name Gloria over the lake, well romantic like, just the other night. That’s how you win the heart of the lady, does our Jack, no gypsy rover here, no sir, you really want  impress a bird, blow something up.

Now far be it for old Brownie to point out the plausible shortcomings of our current situation in not being able to travel back in time to filmthese massive love explosions unless I was about to flippin beam him like doctor spock in back to the future, but as Mister Jack keenly parried in alluding to the worda of mister Johnny Cash:

Love is a burning thing and it makes a fiery ring . . . not unlike the “o” in Gloria who apparently works 3 days a week at the “Hair and Now” salon down past the King George.

Well it would hardly impress the girl if he didn’t set the whole budget for the new video on fire would it?

“Oh no! We just have to set up the camera first!”

Talk about ruin the moment.


So anyway I put me last fiver on Dancing Queen in the 6th and  I get on the line to Philip Eno and the guy is so bloody boozed he can’t speak english, either that or he’s got gnawed on by a skampire, but of course as soon as I told him about my affiliations around town in music and my official role as part of the mister jack media empire and I my  developing plans for the first official full length Mister Jack action feature musical, we were crystal clear with the direction we were going with bringing in the project for just under 20 million. I must admit I don’t want to give too much away, but it’s basically a gangster flick where mister jack plays a ninja assasin who has to save christmas when santa’s reindeer are infiltrated by a notorious jewel thief.

Except Santa’s a rasta and lives on Jamaica, but that’s just one small stylistic difference, and I don’t want to give any more awy because it is all hush hush and a bit of a big deal. Definitely oscar material. But that’s definitely when I knew we were in business.

Mister Jack and the Indespensible Christmas Ninja’s.

Got the Oscar sewn up mate, forget about it!




Leave a Reply